lanniex's Blog

i can be with a hole bunch of friends and still drift off in to my own world, i can sit their in silence watching people walking past me carrying on their normal life's doing the things they do everyday and seeing them people the one's were their holding hands walking down the street wile the man give's his love a kiss on the cheek just to reminde her he love's her. sitting their watching somthing you know your never going to have hurt's abit. the world dont evolve around love but having sure make's life easyer.

Love Love Love, we all sing about write about talk about and act about it, but having it is wonderfull well so iv be told, its like when you frst kiss each other time stops and your the only people in the world witch makes it even more romantic. Do men really grow up? because lads my age dont know nothing, its not all about looks its about personality.

i know we cant have it all, and i know you cant make someone love you. but having someon care for you tell you they love you would be the best thing in the world. but only time will tell i sposee (:

so yeah it turn out to be love after i found him fonderling with another girl in a bus stop wile driving to the shop, feelings are all confused now tbh i love him but life goes on i spose, people change and so do feelings. i spose i just wasant fast enuf to jump in be with him. 

love is rather confuseing well to a 15 year old anythings confuseing. but its life and you gotter get on with weither you love it or hate it

my heart hurts with the power of love,  it hurt's and i feel it pounding my chest, i love him i know i do but i cant tell him. my tear's rushing down my cheek's at the fort of him loving me just as much as i love him but easly knowing he'l never love me. i wish for us to be together for somthing to happen and to feel his soft lips on mine, to hear him say i love you baby, ill never hear him because i know nothing will ever happen between me and him never mind how much i want it to happen.  its me agenst the world, alone and unwanted because im not worth anything to this world anymore. to him i am nothing him to me he's my world. he get's me up in the morning and gets me to sleep at night, without him there is no reason to awake or to sleep no reason to do anything. dont say to me theres plenty more fish in the sea, i dont want fish i want him and only him. im sorrry i cant tell him this im to scared..

When boy's had coodie's and you did everything to stay away from them, when kiss chance was just a game and you actually tryed not to get kissed. But when you grow up everything change's you become everything you tryed not to be and done everything you dint want to do as a kid. but as you start to grow up you gain feelings you never had befor, like your first love your first kiss loseing your verginaty to someone you love. those are the things youd never even think about when you was kid because saying the word hell was bad enuff (:

I sit there on the sofa wraped up in my black cover's, the fire burning feeling the warmth on my feet. It begins to rain tip tapping on the window behinde me and sudden random lighting lights up the hole living room with its powerfull strikes. I begin to settle when my phone goe's off ringing and ringing, interfering with the tv, i turn it over to see who was calling i answerd and was on the phone for half an hour it was Josh not only one of my best friends but the person i have had a thing for, for some time now. He's got me wraped around finger's, after half an hour he managed to perswade me to let him come over. My parent's were on holiday and trusted me to be alone for a week. So a couple mins go past and i get a banging noise on my front door, it startled me as i jump out my sit. I wraped my self back up in my cover's and slowly tropped to the front door, i had a few looks in the mirror to sort my hair out and opend the door. The door creeked open as josh was lent on the wall, he was dripping wet from the rain it begen to hale so i grabed his coat and pulled him into the warm.

He smiled at me and i went weak to the knees, his blonde hair was dripping wet and you could see his abs threw his went t-shirt, i felt like i was in heven. This was the first time me and himave been together with out our friends for the first time. "stay there, im sure some of my brother's clothes will fit you" i sey to him he smiled and said "yeah its abit wet outside" we both laughed at each other as i walked up to my older brother's room, my brother's at college till christmas so his room is empty apart from his clothes and bed. I look threw all his clothes and pull out a blue t-shirt and some jean's. I fliped them over my shoulder as i skipped back down stairs, he was still standing in the place i left him, witch i was kinder glad so he dint get the hole house wet and i had to stay on my hands and knees for the rest of the night sweaping up. I was stood at the bottem of the stairs and threw him the jeans and the top, "you can get changed in the liveing room, dont worry i wont look" i say to him and giggle, He rolled his eyes playfully and walked in, i could feel his footsteps till they came to a stop. I hoped of the bottem stair and looked at my self in the mirror to see if i actually looked ok, i could see him in the reflection, his body dripping wet as he takes off his top he looks down at his abs and wipes them dry with alreay wet t-shirt, i lick my lips as he unbotten's his jeans and slides them down, showing his tight black boxer's he gets dress into the clothes i gave him.

seeing in the mirror it was safe to go in i call him just to make sure. He shouted back that it was safe as he giggled to him self. I walk in and he sits down on the sofa fliking threw the tv channel acting like his house and i cant help but smile at it. I walk over to him and sit next to him i could feel the ld coming off if his skin when it touches mine, i grabed the cover's and threw it over the both if us, i moved closer to him and he looked at me and smiles, he put his arm around and i took a deep breath as i snatched the controlls out of his hands, he gives me a evil look and smiles again, his smile made me weak again. I changed the channel and we sat there for what felt like a very long time but must ofonly be a hour, i slowly lent my head on his shoulder feeling my self getting tired but not wanting the moment to go away, and just as i fort it couldant get any better then this his other hand came to my face and turned it so i was looking into his spiring blue eye's this thump owly stroking my cheek. I put my hand on his chest as he leans in to kiss me our lips touch, his warm soft lips touching mine i think to my self this cant be happening, he pulled away and put his fore'ed on mine and we just looked into each other's eyes. He lent in to kiss me again and moved his hands down to my waiste, we carry on kiss as we genterly lay back on the sofa, my head on the arm of the chair i feel his body on mine and life my legs up and put them either side of him. He was stroking the iside of my leg with one hand, i begin to relax and move my hands down under his t-shirt, i feel his soft hard abs in my hand following the lines of his belly, i move my hands up even more to the point were i was taking it off for him.

to be continuedd (:

So there's this lad and hes AMAZING. He's got the most amazingest voice, and the things that come out of it, are the things someone older would say. He tells me im beautiful and that i mean alot to him. His hair is the most wondrefull shade of blonde his eyes are a sharpe brown and i cant help but look at his photo's and see him and me together. He has me wraped around his finger's, he can say jump and ill say how hight. I'v never felt like this before the only thing is, is that iv never met him. He live's down the road from me, im scared to meet him i dont want to dissapoint him. Some'times i think he can do better then me, but when i say it to him he tells me to stop being stupid. Im just wondering if this is love? or just some silly little crush?

its a thursday night, and yes iv been kicked out of my house.

it start on tuesday,iv been grounded and told i had to change whys befor going out of the house, so for my own safty iv stayed in my room and havant left and havant even spoken to anyone. Everything was fine this morning untill my mum went for her scan to see what she was having (baby and ts a boy)  and everything went down hill again. iv been kicked out and is staying at my mums for a few days, another arguement waiting to start.

im 15 year;s old and my dad left with i was four. i want to find him but dont know?  has anyone got any idea's?  can anyone help?

im fed up with it, im fat im ugly, i know my mum nows it everyone nows it! i deserve nothing or mea nothing. i try my best to fit in but i cant i will never be normal. never have a normal life, never have normal looks never a normal mind.  why do i feel like this? i cant even look at my self withou feeling sick inside because of what iv become. i deserved to be bullied all those years i must have done somthing to be bullyed i must off. i dont know why people are trying to keep me alive anymore, they dont care they never have. tbh i just think they want me to be alive so they dont have to get off there FAT asses and do anything. i cant live a lie anymore. im not happy iv never been happy i only put a brave face on.  i cant stand it anymore.  i dont know what to do or what to feel anymore. im stuck and noone wants to help me... :( :( :( :(

*sigh*

i just cant be doing it anymore, there constent moaning and bikkering. do this do that what about me? what about what i want for a change? i dont want to have a stupid job working in a silly little shop but you dont think i can be good for anything but to be bossed around. im 15 for god sake old enuff to make my own decisions. im saving my money up so i can get out of this hell hole you dont know that though because your too wraped up in your own life, sometimes i dont even think you know im there. when was the last time you told me you loved me mum? when was the last time you hugged me? because tbh i cant remember. i dont feel like i can come talk to you, i go to hug you but stop myself  because im scared of what youl say. tbh i think your the reason why i find it hard to trust other people, you say youl do things but you never do, your promises mean nothing anymore. iv had enuff....

*sigh*

im new to all this blogging so im findin it hard to write anything.

life? well lets face it, its a bitch right? Your always walking on egg shells. Its full of complications were ever you go, people judge you by the way you look because there to selfish to get to know the person inside the body. Tunnel Vision i guess.

Well for the past 10 year's iv been bullied, iv moved school's four time's changed my number like 100 and made new msn's and site's to get away from it but bully's follow you, it dont matter what age you are, were you live or what you look like, if you dont look like them your strange and stupd im now being homeschooled and the people who i fort wer my *true friends* well lets say there not around anymore, iv been replaced.

Were ever you go, wether its in town on holiday or even in your house someone will always find a way to mae you feel horrible about your self. Bullys dont like to be bullyed so show them there words mean nothing to you laugh in ther face and let in flow over your head, i know its not easy because iv been threw it but when you ignor them they get bored. but you can never run away from selfloved people who think everything has to be there way or no way.

chin up peoplee's (: show them your better then them.

Well no'one's perfect right?

Lad's these's day, everything has to be perfect, the girls have to have long beautiful blonde hair with a skinny waste and perfect skin, but how meny people are actually like that? people come in all shapes and size's but there all beautiful people, just people dont take the time out of there perfect life's get to know them. The way most people look at life is tunnel vision, looks personality we are all to blame really but the only people who actually show it are the lads/men. people do say girls grow up faster then boys but do men really grow up? im new to all this blogging (:

1. Im scared of people that are dressed in costums.
2. Im in love with someone i have never met.
3. I get scared in big grouds.
4. I hate being alone.
5. I dont like silences.
6. I used to get bullied.
7. I love my dog more then anything in the world.
8. I dont like my body.
9. I lie to make my self feel good, but it never works.
10. I dont like it when people call you but with held ther number.

 Whats your secrets?